I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
