VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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