Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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