I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
