I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
