I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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