we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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