Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
