Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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