Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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