The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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