remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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