Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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