I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
