just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
