so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
