If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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