I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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