shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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