Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My ass is underappreciated
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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