i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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