i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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