She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
