Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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