the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
