Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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