doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
