I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
