i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
