So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
