If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
