just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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