He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
