So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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