Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
