i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
