we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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