am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
