i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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