I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
