I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
