And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
