his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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