dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
