So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
