i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
