I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
