Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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