i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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