God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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