she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
