K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
