White coat. Heels.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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